Tagged: Dora the Explorer

Dora the Petsplorer

Every time I look at Dora’s backpack in the coloring book, all I can see is a great big tongue. You know what else is basically a great big tongue? A dog. Combine the two, and you have Dora shrieking with delight… not that she ever does anything else. Ugh.

odora7

It’s a friend-eat-friend world out there

Personally, I think the caption should have been left alone, because it transforms this picture from a mere predator-eats-prey story into a tale of utter betrayal. Not only does the chicken cannibalize his unsuspecting buddy, but he has the gall to do it on Best Friends Day? That is messed up.

dora2

Swiper in love

Ah, spring. That season when a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. With some furious scrubbing with an eraser and some imaginative re-engineering with a pen, Swiper too can experience the rush of the season.

dora

Plot twist: he swiped the flower from his crush. Not too bright, that one.

Dora the Abject Horror

When we first got the Dora coloring book, it came to light that I, Mrs. CCB, had never seen an episode of Dora the Explorer. Mr. CCB was astonished. So one night, with a manic glint in his eye, Mr. CCB turned on Netflix and sat me down to watch an episode. Well, the joke was on him, because I only made it about ten minutes before I started threatening to stab my eyeballs out with a fork. We are consumers of highbrow children’s programming, such as Thomas the Tank Engine and Baby Einstein, so Dora completely flabbergasted me: where was the nuanced plot? the well-rendered visuals? And WHY WAS DORA SCREAMING AT ME?

I could not believe my ears. It’s like someone in the recording studio decided that pitch+volume+duration could only be better if all three were maxed out the entire episode. And the content! Why must Dora always be breaking the fourth wall? Why did she ask me to say mind-numbing things? And then say them louder?! If you can’t hear what people are saying, then get a goddamn hearing aid, Dora.

At any rate, I was thoroughly unimpressed, and I had a new understanding of why Mr. CCB and his siblings take special delight in making the cast of Dora suffer various unfortunate predicaments in the coloring book. I hope you burn, Dora,just like Mr. Cow-Face here.

dora4