Luke Skywalker’s side job

In the tough economic times of the Star Wars universe, Master Yoda wants to ensure that Luke can stay competitive in the market by diversifying his skill set. Damn, I should be writing resumes or something with all that fancy corporate language (Solution! Team player! Diversify! Facilitate! Okay, now I can just sit back and let all the HR find my blog). Hopefully, Luke won’t leave Dagobah before he learns to make a nice pommes frites.

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A coloring book seance

Mr. CCB’s sister, J, takes the credit for today’s entry. This is one of those drawings which I could look at forever, due its intricate details– the mesh gloved hands; the multicolored smoke rising from the piano; the pale, wispy ghost of Cookie Monster rising from the inferno. If this doesn’t make you believe in spirits, nothing can.

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MAN CLUBS

This is the story about how a caption went very, very wrong. Once upon a time, I had the Disney Villains coloring book, and saw a Jungle Book page with the caption, “Shere Khan has a taste for man cubs.” I thought it would be really clever to insert a single “L” into the caption to change “cubs” to “clubs”, and then draw a fancy Shere Khan being posh at a gentleman’s club. Unfortunately, due to the tiny spacing between the letters. it just looks like I turned the “c” into a “d”. Whenever someone new sees that page, he or she gets a confused look and asks me, “Man dubs?” every time. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

I so very much want to redeem this picture, that I am giving away the punch line and everything before you even see the image– just so you don’t say “Man dubs” in your head. SO DON’T. For the love of God, it’s Man Clubs.

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Swiper in love

Ah, spring. That season when a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. With some furious scrubbing with an eraser and some imaginative re-engineering with a pen, Swiper too can experience the rush of the season.

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Plot twist: he swiped the flower from his crush. Not too bright, that one.

The Sultan on Crack

In between making evil schemes and smacking Iago around, Jafar supplements his vizier’s salary by doing a little dealing on the side.

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Suddenly, Aladdin makes a lot more sense. Why else would the Sultan be in such a hurry to marry Jasmine off? To cash in that sweet, sweet dowry and fund his drug habit. Drug paraphernalia is hard to come by, even for a sultan.

The most epic snack ever

I think we’ve all eaten beef jerky like this at one time or another:

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Since we’re on the topic of jerky, I am going make this blog useful for the first time ever (don’t get used to it) by recommending a delicious homemade beef jerky recipe. The CCB household has made it several times with great success, and it’s tender enough that even Admiral Ackbar could chew this stuff.

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Just take my advice, eat the homemade stuff, and save the Force for more impressive feats.

The many faces of pain

I have never seen Hercules, but every source I’ve talked to says it sucks, so I’m in no hurry to remedy this. Apparently, one of the mandatory Disney villain sidekicks is a little demon named Pain. This coloring page was originally one of those activities where you have to pick out the nonconformist from a police-style lineup. My take, however, is a graphic description of a few common maladies.

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I should totally be in charge of illustrating medical literature.

Partying Star Wars Style

Greetings to everyone from 5 Minutes for Mom‘s Ultimate Blog Party 2013! If you clicked over here, thinking you’d find a cute mommy blog, I am afraid you are sadly mistaken. The sole purpose of this blog is to contribute to the dark morass that is 99% of the internet, and hopefully make you chuckle from unfortunate things happening to various children’s cartoon characters.

Since this is a fairly new blog, you could just scroll down about three posts to see what we’re all about, but I’ll just tell you: Mr. CCB and I (Mrs. CCB) have been defacing coloring books as a form of cheap entertainment for many years now, and we recently decided to pull from our treasure trove of drawings and put them on a blog.

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From left to right: Mrs. CCB, Mr. CCB; doing what we do best

I can’t guarantee that our posts will be sensitive, refined, or free of blood and poop (we’re parents; we draw what we know). But I can guarantee that there will be at least two a week, which is a hell of a lot better than I do with my cute mommy blog.

Anyways, thank you for stopping by, and let the party commence!

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