Category: Uncategorized

Disney meets XBox

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The Evil Queen is one humdinger of a Halo opponent.

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A coloring book seance

Mr. CCB’s sister, J, takes the credit for today’s entry. This is one of those drawings which I could look at forever, due its intricate details– the mesh gloved hands; the multicolored smoke rising from the piano; the pale, wispy ghost of Cookie Monster rising from the inferno. If this doesn’t make you believe in spirits, nothing can.

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MAN CLUBS

This is the story about how a caption went very, very wrong. Once upon a time, I had the Disney Villains coloring book, and saw a Jungle Book page with the caption, “Shere Khan has a taste for man cubs.” I thought it would be really clever to insert a single “L” into the caption to change “cubs” to “clubs”, and then draw a fancy Shere Khan being posh at a gentleman’s club. Unfortunately, due to the tiny spacing between the letters. it just looks like I turned the “c” into a “d”. Whenever someone new sees that page, he or she gets a confused look and asks me, “Man dubs?” every time. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

I so very much want to redeem this picture, that I am giving away the punch line and everything before you even see the image– just so you don’t say “Man dubs” in your head. SO DON’T. For the love of God, it’s Man Clubs.

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Swiper in love

Ah, spring. That season when a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. With some furious scrubbing with an eraser and some imaginative re-engineering with a pen, Swiper too can experience the rush of the season.

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Plot twist: he swiped the flower from his crush. Not too bright, that one.

Partying Star Wars Style

Greetings to everyone from 5 Minutes for Mom‘s Ultimate Blog Party 2013! If you clicked over here, thinking you’d find a cute mommy blog, I am afraid you are sadly mistaken. The sole purpose of this blog is to contribute to the dark morass that is 99% of the internet, and hopefully make you chuckle from unfortunate things happening to various children’s cartoon characters.

Since this is a fairly new blog, you could just scroll down about three posts to see what we’re all about, but I’ll just tell you: Mr. CCB and I (Mrs. CCB) have been defacing coloring books as a form of cheap entertainment for many years now, and we recently decided to pull from our treasure trove of drawings and put them on a blog.

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From left to right: Mrs. CCB, Mr. CCB; doing what we do best

I can’t guarantee that our posts will be sensitive, refined, or free of blood and poop (we’re parents; we draw what we know). But I can guarantee that there will be at least two a week, which is a hell of a lot better than I do with my cute mommy blog.

Anyways, thank you for stopping by, and let the party commence!

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Close Encounters of the Corrupted Kind.

Mr. CCB’s renditions rarely fail to make me laugh. He has this way of taking the elements already on the page and reimagining it to the next level. This one, he took a page from Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, where a gust picks up Piglet to drop his voice actor in any given 60’s Disney production. Where most people would  imagine a breeze, Mr. CCB saw something a little more extraterrestrial.

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Mr. CCB managed to pack an entire story into this one. It’s not difficult to imagine a broken, disheveled Pooh wandering the forest for the rest of his days, mumbling, “It WAS an alien. Oh, bother. Aliens. Aliens…” He passes by Kanga and Roo’s house, and Roo whispers to his mother, “Who is that?” “That,” replies Kanga, pulling her son closer, “is a crazy old bear. Don’t go near him; I haven’t been able to trust him since our cow disappeared.”

Dora the Abject Horror

When we first got the Dora coloring book, it came to light that I, Mrs. CCB, had never seen an episode of Dora the Explorer. Mr. CCB was astonished. So one night, with a manic glint in his eye, Mr. CCB turned on Netflix and sat me down to watch an episode. Well, the joke was on him, because I only made it about ten minutes before I started threatening to stab my eyeballs out with a fork. We are consumers of highbrow children’s programming, such as Thomas the Tank Engine and Baby Einstein, so Dora completely flabbergasted me: where was the nuanced plot? the well-rendered visuals? And WHY WAS DORA SCREAMING AT ME?

I could not believe my ears. It’s like someone in the recording studio decided that pitch+volume+duration could only be better if all three were maxed out the entire episode. And the content! Why must Dora always be breaking the fourth wall? Why did she ask me to say mind-numbing things? And then say them louder?! If you can’t hear what people are saying, then get a goddamn hearing aid, Dora.

At any rate, I was thoroughly unimpressed, and I had a new understanding of why Mr. CCB and his siblings take special delight in making the cast of Dora suffer various unfortunate predicaments in the coloring book. I hope you burn, Dora,just like Mr. Cow-Face here.

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Corrupted Easter Blessings

While Easter for some may mean nothing more than delicious Peeps and photos with terrifying mall bunnies, for others, it is a time for celebrating our risen Jewish Lord by eating a big Easter dinner ham and thinking about heavenly things. Today’s post is more along the latter lines.

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We can only be so lucky to be greeted at the Pearly Gates with a steaming cup of tea.